Painted heart
by Chibi Tsuki Hikari
Summary: Everything in his life begins to change after a fated lab partnership, will fleeting glances give way to whats truly underneath? Or is loneliness the last Journey he's willing to take? Kev/Edd,
1. Projects

**Declaimer: I do not own Ed Edd N' Eddy in any shape or form, if I did Kevin and Edd would have been kissing canonly at twelve years old *snicker* **

_**AN/: This is my first venture into this fandom shipping but I'm fairly confident I can bring something to the table so bare with me! **_

**Warnings: Past and present self mutilation, severe bullying(violence) hate crimes, possessive behavior, mature content of the M/M variety,****mentions of past suicide attempts; anymore warnings will be listed as they come along**

* * *

The years after middle school had been both good and bad to the children of the small Cul-de-sac, the story varied on who you bothered to ask the tale from.

On the very top of the food chain as always stood Kevin and Nazz proudly as ever.

Nazz having grown into a spunky tomboyish blond bombshell unsurprisingly became head cheerleader.

Kevin the hot tempered bully of his childhood had sprouted up to put even Ed's height to shame at 6'3, having managed to juggle being captain of both the baseball and football teams.

Then there were some of the members of their childhood memories who were no longer around.

Such as Rolf who at the end of seventh grade had decided to go back to his homeland out of sheer homesickness; and then there was poor Johnny who had mysteriously moved away after a very hushed up stay at the local Psych ward in Peach Creek General Hospital.

Sarah and Jimmy were still as close as ever hardly ever leaving the other's side for even a moment.

Both having managed to somehow become well known popular freshman fashionistas; who even ran their own school fashion glam page in the school paper.

Last but not least there were the Ed's as they were so aptly labeled; but not so attached at the hip anymore.

In fact Edd could barely even remember the last time they had spoken aside from a brief "hey" while passing in the halls.

Eddy had ditched them the first chance he got at being popular in one of the grungy underbelly type gangs of the school, the kind that shoplifted, smoked, and did drugs.

The endearing and loveably giant otherly known as Ed had tried his best to stay friends with both of us but as easily distracted as he is that was quite the task to accomplish.

Eventually he found his way through to several gamer/comic book loving groupies and even eventually managed to join the hockey team.

I suppose everyone changes over time as they grow older, it was only natural to start branching out onto different paths finding new hobbies so to speak; but he had never expected it to leave such drastic numbingly harsh change to his life.

Though he wasn't by any means friendless, he had a few acquaintances here and there.

Then again who was he kidding, he was the very definition of lonely.

His knuckles clenched white against his grey messenger bag slung over his shoulder.

He wrinkled his nose slightly at the cold air which he knew was rapidly beginning to turn his pale cheeks a soft rosy color.

Trudging through the two inch high layering of snow which covered the side walk he felt a deep sense of overwhelming self consciousness hit him like a tidal wave.

It had been a few years since he'd felt completely confident in his own skin.

Rubbing his left black and white checkered armband covered wrist he let out a shaky breath to try and collect himself before he walked into a mailbox or god forbid a Jock or something.

That's all he needed a beating from more meat headed rocks for brains jocks.

"Oi D you better be wearin' the outfit I fucking picked out for you." A gothicly black clad female with mid back navy black hair spouted out in a teasing grumble as she suddenly materialized next to him.

Jarring him from his thoughts the form of Marie Kanker came into view.

Ah yes that was another big change in his life, past stalker turned friend, the wonders never ceased.

Pursing his lips into an almost half pout he motioned to himself.

He shifted uncomfortably in black form fitting skinny jeans, showing off a black muscle tank shirt with the logo of the band "Skillet" on the front, topping it all off with a thin black hoodie that to his displeasure gave no help against the chill of the winter wind.

And as usual he wore his black and white beanie hat, which had been his only concession and rule to his new "make over".

"Hmmmm it'll do for now I suppose, but you're so wearing eye liner tomorrow, no buts." Grinning she looped her arm with one of his thin wiry ones.

Marie was built like model and was a good head taller than himself, which she loved to lord over him whenever the situation presented its self; claiming he was simply "adorkablely" pocket sized at a humble 5'5.

Grumbling he resigned himself to be pulled along toward the school his new gothic black lace up boots stomping leaving impressions in the snow in their wake as they went.

Snow flurries of biting frost fluttered down in abundance as several students of Peach Creek High scuttled hurriedly along in various levels of hierarchy clicks chattering and flirting obnoxiously to friends, or hopeful future boyfriends or girlfriends.

The air was frigid and the white grey spiral of clouds over head looked unforgiving as to when the weather would turn for the better.

"Fucking snow I swear if we get anymore I'm gonna god damn scream." His companion complained as they passed by several Jocks who sneered in their direction.

She glared back baring her teeth at them and promptly flipped them off.

A small smile made its way onto his lips, "But Marie this is a fairly good natured winter, and we haven't had the need for any snow days at all thus far."

"Dude that's completely the point! We need snow days! If I don't get the right number of days off during the school year I'll kill someone I just know it." She groaned dramatically as she flipped her bangs out of her eyes.

Snorting he shook his head at her and skillfully detached their tangle of arms as he did his locker combination making the door of said locker in need of good oiling creek open.

Collecting his books almost in a mechanical manner his thoughts wandered again as his eyes darted across from them landing on Kevin who was standing off to the side with his hands in his white washed blue jean pockets.

His face was stoic and completely bored looking, his green eyes flickering with immense disinterest as he was surrounded by a gaggle of chattering cheer leaders and Nazz.

"Earth to Double D, oiiii D!" Marie's annoyed voice growled out, "Don't ignore me; I know you're all gay for Kevin but fucking listen when I talk to you."

Turning crimson Edd's blue eyes goggled, "Marie shhhh! What if….oh dear me…what if he heard you?!" He nearly yelled out in panic.

Rolling her eyes she scoffed, "Yeah right, like he pays attention to anything other than tits, swaying hips, and sports."

Sighing he closed his locker, "Please in the future refrain from shouting out my sexual orientation and possible feelings of infatuation in hearing range of said person of interest?"

Snorting she patted his head, "Yeah, yeah geez don't blow a gasket Double D I ane't gonna tell no one about it, your "secret" is safe with me."

Looking up at her he frowned slightly, "Much appreciated."

"I'll see you at lunch then D." Marie winked and patted his cheek as she walked off down the hall to her own locker.

Rubbing his face he spared a quick glance back toward Kevin and was startled to lock gazes with shocking emerald.

Smirking a bit Kevin grinned at him almost tauntingly.

Then the bell rang over head signaling everyone to go to their homeroom class.

Hesitantly looking away from the red head's hypnotizing gaze he hurried off to his homeroom. "Let's get this over with shall we…?"

* * *

By third period his energy was undoubtedly flagging, and that was putting it mildly.

Seated in AP Biology he was barely keeping his eyes on the board.

The words on the chalk board were getting garbled and mish mashed in his head.

The teacher was suddenly in front of him and looking straight at him saying something, " Mister Vincent, I said Eddward did you hear me?"

Snapping out of his daze he straightened up faster than the snap of a whip, "Y-Yes sir, I'm so sorry but I…I didn't quite get what you said…could you please repeat it?"

Frowning slightly in annoyance the graying elderly teacher sighed, "I said, your lab partner is Mister Barr. Please do try to pay more attention."

Standing up Edd nodded but looked confused, …Mister Barr?

Wasn't that Kevin's last name?

But how on earth did Kevin get into AP Biology?

Frowning he looked around to see his other classmates were already sitting with their assigned partners, chatting over ideas for their projects.

"You okay Double Dork? You seem kinda out of it." Questioned a deep voice from his left.

Jumping some he turned and nearly squeaked out in surprise, "K-Kevin…I…yes I'm quite alright just a bit low on blood sugar on my part, nothing to worry about I assure you."

Lifting an eyebrow at him dubiously the red head shrugged in return, "Yeah..whatever, just don't make us fail or nothing, I need to pass this class dweeb."

Flustering Edd nodded rubbing his wrist nervously, "Yes, yes of course you do…so…what did you have in mind for our project?"

Groaning Kevin took a seat next to where Double D had previously been seated. "Dude sit down, you look like you're about to piss yourself or somethin' I ane't gonna beat on you or anything we're in class."

Chuckling weakly he sat down his hands gripping his pants in a guarded manner, "H-Haha my apologies, I'm a bit worse for wear today it would seem."

"No biggie, just get your head in the game already we don't got all day, the periods almost over and we still have to figure out what we're doing. " Muttered Kevin as he suspiciously eyed the smaller male out of the corner of his eyes. with a hint of something almost akin to slight worry.

Looking over their biology book Double D stuck his tongue in-between the gap of his teeth as he pondered on what to suggest working on.

He shifted as he felt the burning gaze of emerald eyes again on his person.

Looking up he gulped swallowing his nerves, "Um, well perhaps we can do a study of the various types of muscular systems…you are after all…a good specimen of a healthy active teenager."

Blinking Kevin looked at him weird, "Did you just say I'm hot?"

Paling then flustering in a matter of seconds Edd squawked, "I…er….no…but…no no of c-course not! Nonsense! I was merely speaking of your strong biceps which are perfect for our projects and…and…oh dear I'm…going to stop talking now."

Wishing to disappear into his hat he tugged it down the front of it to cover his eyes.

Kevin was going to kill him, any second now he was going to…

Full blown genuine laughter met his ears, stiffening in confusion and curiosity he then lifted up the brim of his beanie.

Kevin was wiping his eyes and holding his stomach, "Damn that was fucking hilarious…oh god..Double Dweeb you haven't changed a bit."

He continued to snicker and snort as he tried to calm down but continued to just stare at Edd with laughter dancing in his green eyes.

"I..urm…thank you I think…?" The smaller male murmured out softly in confusion.

The ringing of the bell ending the period sounded.

Standing the red head picked up his back pack and slung it over his shoulder staring down at him, "So your house or mine?"

"P-Pardon..?" Edd stuttered wide eyed.

Rolling his eyes Kevin snorted, "The project dork, where do you wanna start it?"

"Oh um..my home would probably be the best choice, I have the most materials on hand." He stood as well and gathered his belongings.

"Fine so I'll meet you after football practice, so about six."

Nodding in return Double D watched as the jock left the room leaving him alone in the now deserted classroom.

What had he gotten himself into?


	2. Closet cases and bruising encounters

**AN: Okay in response to an anonymous reviewer *grin* I did specify who "Marie" was, if you didn't skim the chapter you would properly have seen I stated Marie Kanker quite vividly when she first came into the scene after Edd snapped out of his daze. As for "almost" capturing Edd's personality thank you! I do hope he wasn't out of character but then again I'm trying to add a slight different flare to his personality seeing as they are now in highschool. Such as his new clothes that are a slight take on Rev!Edd's clothing. Also I've calmed down his OCD a tiny bit so he's not freaking out at being touched as much. All in all thank you to my three reviewers! May more of you decide to review in the near future hehe~**

_**Declaimer: I do not own Ed Edd N' Eddy in any shape or form, if I did Kevin and Edd would have been kissing canonly at twelve years old *snicker***_

**Warnings: Past and present self mutilation, severe bullying(violence) hate crimes, possessive behavior, mature content of the M/M variety, mentions of past suicide attempts, anymore warnings will be listed as they come along**

* * *

The snow had stopped just shortly after the last bell rang, marking that eighth period had ended.

And as usual he had stayed after to help several of the teachers with various errands for the office; as well as attending the science group meeting that was always scheduled for every other day of the week after school.

By the time everything was over and done with Edd was literally floating, and not in a good way mind you. His head felt as if it was filled with cotton, and his chest was a bit wheezy and tight.

Curse this cold weather!

Holding back a shiver he squeezed his way past several stragglers in the hall as he made his way to his locker, opening it he deposited certain books and folders he did not need for homework.

He let out a tired sigh and tugged his thin hoodie over his hat clad head for extra warmth.

Edd never did do well in the winter months of the year; his immune system was a tad on the low side of the spectrum of normal good health.

Looking around at the dwindling teenagers in the hallways he waited a few minutes to see if Marie was going to spontaneously pop out of nowhere like usual demanding they go for pizza or some sort of coffee based drink.

Seeing that his ex stalker was indeed not going to make a sudden appearance he packed away his needed materials and walked toward the front of the school and quickly outside.

His boots crunched in the fresh powdering of snow that must have fallen during the mid school hours.

Mind wandering far away, he hadn't noticed when four letterman clad jocks began tailing him from behind each wearing a malicious looking smirk upon their faces.

* * *

Grumbling softly in apparent annoyance he shifted boredly on the bench as he observed his fellow team mates practice on the field, while he tapped his fingers against his knee.

"Hey Dude!" Chirped Nazz as she walked over sporting her cheer leader outfit and a loose fitting pink sweat jacket to keep out the majority of the cold.

"What's wrong Cap? Usually you're out there barking orders at those tight pants wearing beefcakes by now!" Came a cheery sing songy voice that was all too familiar resounding from behind him.

Snickering the blond female of the group sat on one side of Kevin, "D'aww Kev's just shy about it Nat, he's new to you know all these "chick flick" moments as he puts it." She grinned behind her hand at the fiery red head who glared in a faux manner at her before sighing.

Rolling his eyes Kevin rubbed his face before glancing over his shoulder at a shock of minty green gravity defying hair belonging to none other than Nathan.

"What do you want Goldberg?" Growled out the auburn haired male.

Putting up both hands in defense the other male simply pouted, "Ooooh aren't we a grumpy Kevvy, geez I thought you were partnered with Double Divine today! What's to be pissy about? I mean you get to ogle that tight black skinny jean clad ass of his! Not to mention that adorable lil gap toothed nervous giggle of his! Positively, absolutely, precious!" Nat cooed out squealing.

"And hey I'm not the only one here who wants to know the dish about your cute new nerdy lab partner! Am I right Nazzy?" The green haired teen said as he side glanced and grinned at their other best friend.

Nazz swung her legs back and forth off the bench kicking up some snowflakes as she did so, "Totally dude, I mean you've had the biggest crush on Double D for like forever!"

Kevin's jaw clenched some as he was cross between envisioning said imagery that was givento him and getting up to beat the crap out of Nat for even thinking about Edd in that way in the first place, "Dude don't fucking talk about him like that, it's weird as fuck."

Snickering Nat waggled his eyebrow in response, "D'awww you're such a closet case Kev!"

"He's trapped under all his expensive sneakers! I swear Kev you have more shoes than I do, and I'm like a girl!" Nazz helpfully put in cheekily.

Growling loudly Kevin glared heatedly at him, "Guys I'm not gay for Double Dweeb, I don't even like dudes!"

Snorting the green haired boy flopped down onto the bench next to him draping his long limbed arm over the red head's shoulder casually, "Sure you don't man, and I totally believe you. I mean what with all those longing lost kicked puppydog glances you shoot at him have just gotta be imaginary! Or the way you totally eye stalk him in study hall; oh or that time you punched Jacob Talbit in the face five times and got a week's suspension cause he chucked Edd in the dumpster! Or that other tim-"

"Shut up Nat." Groaned Kevin as he pushed the offending arm off him and rubbed his face frustratedly.

Cracking up on the other side of Kevin, Nazz wiped her eyes dramatically trying to hold back her laughter, "Kev you're so in denial it's kinda hard to watch, but then again I'm enjoying the show. Hey, but when you finally do make out an all make sure to tell me in advanced so I can get my camcorder ready to film it!"

Paling Kevin balked at her comment sending the blond cheerleader captain into another bout of uncontrollable giggles and snorts of laughter.

Grinning more Nat just patted his friend's back in a comforting teasing manner, "It's okay dude we still love you, even if you've got a colossal man crush for beanie boy. Though like I said I can't really blame you! He's got the cutest lil bum on him!"

Kevin responded in kind by suddenly and unexpectedly pushing Nat backwards off the bench before standing up.

He then brushed off his pants smirking as he made his way toward the locker rooms.

With a pained yowl Nathan whined, "Harshhhhh man! The injustice of it all! I'VE BEEN MANHANDLED!"

Said red head ignored him completely.

"Oh gods I can't breathe!" Panted out Nazz as she fell off the bench as well but in another fit of snickers.

"Shut up Nazzy." Nathan whined pitifully.

* * *

He hadn't really seen it coming, it had really all happened far too fast for his clouded mind to piece it altogether properly in order.

Looking back on it later he'd tell you it was all in bits and pieces of flashing color, painful blows, inappropriate demeaning slurs, and him begging for it to stop.

One minute he had been merely minding his own business hopelessly daydreaming about a certain auburn haired football captain; and the next he was dangling off the snowy side walk being pushed painfully into an alleyway by the scruff of the back of his black hoodie.

Lifting his terrified shaky cyan gaze upward, he hesitantly looked into the dark merciless brown eyes of none other than Jacob Talbit the hockey team captain and Edd's all around new personal bully and number one "admirer".

"Greetings J-Jacob…w-what can I do for you gentlemen?" The slender raven haired male stuttered out nervously as he swallowed a lead ball of dread that seemed to sink and hit the pit of his stomach at a fast pace.

The bleach blond haired jock and three of his cronies were grinning down at the suspended nerd, "Well gee I thought we'd all play a lil game with our favorite resident dork is all. Isn't that right guys?"

Nodding toward one another the other three laughed sneering nastily in agreement.

Paling greatly in alarm Edd struggled to get free of the jock's grip, "I'm most certainly s-sure you have much more pressing and important matters to attend to…I would not want to waste your after school scheduled activities time on me. Can we not just speak about this like civilized individuals…?"

Swiftly the beefy blond thrust Double D harshly making the small teen's head hit the back wall of the alleyway with a resounding crack making him see stars.

A sticky burning sensation began to make its way down the back of his head as his trade mark black and white beanie fell hitting the snow followed by a few droplets of blood.

Jacob smirked evilly, "Now isn't that thoughtful of you, but I ane't ever been that civil toward normal people, let alone toward filthy fags."

Turning back to his friends he uttered three words that sent an icy frost alit in the struggling teenager's veins, "Hold him down."

After which Edd knew no more as black enveloped his senses in a blanketing haze of numbness in which that he knew for a fact he should try to fight against but could not remember the reasoning as to why.

* * *

Walking with his hands in his jean pockets Kevin yawned tiredly making his way toward Double D's house.

On the outside he seemed like his usual calm collected cool self, but on the inside it told a completely different story.

The red haired ex bully's heart was beating a mile a minute and literally felt like it was going to burst out of his chest, and the reason his hands were in his pockets was because he was sweating bullets.

His hands were clammy as fuck and that was totally embarrassing.

I mean he never got nervous, let alone over some stupid dweeb.

Maybe he was sick, yeah that's it he was just getting a bad cold and he's feverish or somethin'.

Cutting his rambling thoughts off like a hack saw to a piece of wood, emerald eyes landed on something black and white.

A familiar piece of hat wear was lying next to a garbage bin lonely and forgotten.

Something clicked in his head and suddenly sent red flags going up throughout his mind, while simultaneously sending his heart into over drive with dread against his rib cage.

"Fuck…fuck fuck that's Double D's hat…" Scrambling forward he ducked down to pick up the hat in shaky hands.

Panic was swirling in his chest as a choked feeling was making its way through his throat, he was about to call out Edd's name when he heard a soft whimpering moan of pain.

Squinting into the alleyway beside the garbage bins his eyes widened and he darted forward quickly almost falling face flat in the process he knelt down next to the crumpled form of said owner of the hat clenched within his right fist.

"Shit…Double Dweeb…I mean Edd can you hear me?" He gently wrapped his arm around the back of Edd's slender shoulders helping him sit up.

He had never realized how slender and small the dork was before now.

Edd's face was dotted in harsh freshly darkening blackish purple bruises, his bottom lip was split wide open and was crusted over in drying blood.

His shoulder length raven black locks which were usually hidden were messy and soaked with sticky blood that was beginning to clot at the back of his head.

Opening his blue eyes half way Edd moaned and hissed out in discomfort with the slight jostling of his new position, "K-Kevin..?"

Green eyes softened an looked frantic with concern.

He was a bit relieved that the dork could still remember his name, which probably meant he wasn't as hurt as the blood seemed to make him out to be.

"Yeah, I'm here, but...look do you think can you stand at all?"

Trying to open his eyes a bit more Edd pushed his hands against the ground in an attempt to try and stand but with a whimper of pain his legs would simply not obey as they tumbled back out from under him.

Quickly moving forward Kevin hooked one of his arms under the smaller of the two's knees and the other at the base of his back heaving him up bridal style as he stood up shakily, "Guess that's a no huh? Look are your parents home?"

As soon as the words left his mouth he felt stupid as hell.

Of course the dork's parents weren't home; They never were.

Edd sighed in an almost forlorn way, "No…m-mother and father are both on a four month business trip in Tokyo. As it would seem they will not be able to come home anytime soon…" He trailed off looking down before flustering, "I-I am more than c-capable of trying to walk on my own again! P-Please release me!"

In vain he weakly pushed against Kevin's strong board chest grumbling in an annoyance at his failed attempts.

Smirking some Kevin promptly ignored him and began walking toward, his own house instead of Edd's, "Well seeing as your parents aren't home, and I'm shit with bandages we're gonna have to go to my house and get my mom to help."

"B-but I'm just fine…really I've had far worse, honestly speaking I bruise quite easily it looks worse than it is, you do know head wounds tend to bleed badly even if they are terribly minor and—"

He was cut off but Kevin's sharp glare, "Hearing you've had worse isn't helping any dork..so just shut up and let me bring you home, mom's a nurse so she'll be able to fix you up really good, I promise."

Absently clenching a small pale fist against the orange fabric of Kevin's coat he un tensed wincing some as his ribs ached terribly with every movement he made, "Well…if you truly insist on the matter I guess tending to my wounds with help would be most appreciated.."

Snorting Kevin rolled his eyes, "Whatever dork, just be quiet and rest or somethin'."

Closing his eyes he resigned himself listen to the red head's heart beat and found himself slowly calming down.

If this was just a wonderful dream or perhaps a comatose induced hallucination at least it wasn't all too bad of one. Either way he was going to enjoy the spicy cinnamon scented musk that clung to the tall jock in which that was carrying him.


	3. Secrets revealed

**AN: Thank you to whoever reviewed on chapter two it's been a rough few days I had a few medical problems and procedures I had to have done so thank you all who bothered to review It really made my day. I'm really glad I seem to be doing this fanfic justice so again I thank you all who read, reviewed, or even glanced at it. Enjoy~**

**_Declaimer: I do not own Ed Edd N' Eddy in any shape or form, if I did Kevin and Edd would have been kissing canonly at twelve years old *snicker*_**

**Warnings: Past and present self mutilation, severe bullying(violence) hate crimes, possessive behavior, mature content of the M/M variety, mentions of past suicide attempts, Bad grammar and cursing on Kevin's part, anymore warnings will be listed as they come along.**

* * *

Carrying Edd was easy as hell, which kind of worried him.

It made him wonder how much the kid even ate.

He barely felt like he weighed more than one of the medicine balls from the gym; the ones that some of the school sports teams often used in their inside work outs when the weather was too crappy to be outside.

And another thing…the dweeb was so goddamn small!

Lithe even, and really slender it reminded him of a fucking girl…

Groaning inwardly at the direction his thoughts were heading in Kevin mentally swatted them away.

Carefully he shifted his passenger, all the while trying not to jar any of his wounds in the process.

"You okay Double D?" The red head murmured out nervously eying the small raven haired boy.

"Mmm…I suppose have most c-certainly had seen better days…but do not worry I will survive this painful endeavor in no time…" Edd smiles a weak but gentle smile reassuringly up at the jock from where his head was currently rested on the broad shoulder beneath him.

Shaking his head Kevin he blew his auburn bangs out of his eyes and snorted, wearing a half smile in return, "A simple yes or no woulda been good dork, you didn't need to go all polite on me."

Flustering in embarrassment Edd nodded some, "My apologies, I tend to get carried away with proper speech."

"You tryin' to say I don't speak properly Double Dweeb?" Smirked Kevin teasingly.

Paling slightly the smaller of the two nearly flailed in panic, "N-No of course not! You speak quite nicely for someone of your level of aptitude and intelligence…oh dear me I do indeed talk too much after all…" He mumbled softly burying his face into the warm skin of Kevin's neck.

His hot breath sent shivers done the jock's spine nearly catching the ex bully off guard; almost making him drop Double D in the process.

Suppressing a moan Kevin ordered his mind and body to behave themselves; because he was so fucking not gay for the effeminate dork he was carrying bridal style to his house and…and….fuck…even that sounded gay.

Bad thoughts, bad! Fuck what was wrong with him today?

Grimacing his lips twitched into a frown as he willed his long legs to walk at an even faster pace.

The sooner they got this over with the sooner his sexually confused brain would go back to normal.

A small slender pale hand tugged gently at the front of his orange hoodie sweat jacket sending his thoughts crashing down in flames once again.

"Kevin…? Have…have I upset you in some way?" Edd's voice quivered slightly from apparent exhaustion, pain, and something Kevin couldn't quite put his finger on.

"What? No way, I'm just tired from practice…and we're never gonna fucking get our project started the way this is going." He retorted back a tad harsher than he had wanted.

Tensing some in his arms Edd hung his head a bit dejectedly, "Oh…I…I am terribly sorry Kevin, I did not mean to impede the beginning of our biology project. I will make a bigger effort on my part to be at my very best tomorrow so as to not ruin anything any further."

At those words the red head could feel several metaphorical knives stab through his heart shooting a heavy dose of guilt through his chest like shards of glass.

"Damn it, fuck no Double…Dwe- I mean D…this ane't your fault, it's whoever the fuck beat the crap outta yah's fault. So…don't…apologize for something you didn't start. Okay..?" Kevin exhaled harshly as he fumbled with his words angrily.

Speaking of which he'd have to get the names of the assholes who did this from the dork when he was all cleaned up.

Sighing some at Edd's continued silence he just made his way up the walkway to his driveway and toward the front door trying to balance the raven in his arms while pressing the doorbell at the same time.

* * *

Rosemary Barr was a tall slender extremely kind looking woman with a curvy yet strong looking build of someone who worked out regularly; with bouncy copper springy ringlet curls going down to her to mid back, sporting wide warm emerald green eyes that just made you want to smile.

Squinting lazily from where she was on the large comfy looking black leather couch in the living room she groaned.

Rubbing her face she pushed herself up into a sitting position.

Glaring harshly at the ringing sound of the front door, she swung her legs over the side of the couch in a resigned manner.

She stood yawning as she brushed down her lavender hospital scrubs that she hadn't taken off from her previous night shift.

Having gotten home around seven in the morning she had apparently accidentally slept the whole day away afterward in her exhaustion.

Walking toward the door she pulled back her hair into a messy loose ponytail before opening it.

Blinking owlishly up at her son, she saw that he was holding a very injured flat chested girl wearing a black and white beanie and some kind of punk grunge style of clothing.

"Kev..? What on earth is going on here…?" Shaking her head too tired to continue, she pushed the door open wider not knowing what words to say.

Kevin grinned sheepishly as he walked in hurriedly to get out of the cold, "Hey Ma…um..this is Double Dwe-I mean Edd…you know the short clean freak who lives across the street? The Vincent's kid."

Edd snorted indignantly from the red head's arms, "Well excuse me for being cleanly, better to be sanitary than to be covered in dirt and grime, and all kinds of icky filthy, filthy, filthy, germs!"

Rosemary's eyes goggled at this, "Oh…my so you're not a girl…Edd…you mean…" Blinking some, "You mean this is that sweet little boy who used to go rooting around our bushes looking for bugs holding that huge magnifying glass during the summer when you were younger?"

Snickering Kevin walked over to the couch and put Edd down, "Yeah same one alright."

Edd blanched at being labeled a female, "I am most decidedly not female in any shape or form Ma'am I assure you."

Giggling softly Rosemary walked over as well, "My have you…grown into such…an…adorable young man Eddward, oh and please call me Rosemary! Ma'am makes me feel so old." She pouted.

Blushing at the praise but frowning at being called adorable Edd chose to stay silent and simply nod in thanks.

Tapping her bottom lip with her finger some her green eyes sparkled as she started to smirk looking directly at her son.

Kevin immediately felt a cold chill run down his spine at said look.

"Though Kev that doesn't quite explain why you were parading around carrying him around princess style; like a proud knight in shining armor after saving his one true love from the evil dragon." Grinned Rosemary slyly.

Sputtering turning a bright red Kevin glared heatedly at his mother, "Maaaaa I was so fucking not, How'd you want me to carry him then? Like a stupid football? I found him half knocked out in an alley for fucks sake!"

"Language Kevin…one should never curse at their parental figures…it is most impolite and disrespectful..." Spoke Edd in a chastising tone as his own cheeks took on a pink tinge at Kevin's mother's words.

Her smile immediately turned to a frown as she took in Edd's appearance and injuries.

"Kev get the first aid kit from the bathroom will you?" Moving forward she sat next to the small raven haired boy on the couch and looked him over.

Double D shifted nervously as he eyed Rosemary giving her a hesitant shaky smile.

Without a word of complaint Kevin quickly left the room to do as ordered, returning less than a minute later with the white medical box tucked securely under his right arm.

He handed it over to his mother, and she opened the box taking out several bandages, gauze, and anti bacterial creams.

"Now first off, let's start from the very beginning of the story. How did this all happened?" She asked turning her emerald gaze on Edd questioningly.

Sighing softly with a bit of difficulty, he rubbed the front of his black graphic band t-shirt gingerly to ease the pain in his ribs.

Double D winced some recalling the memories, "I…had just left my after school activities for the day and was on my way to meet Kevin. I suppose I had begun daydreaming at some point along the way. Now that I think back on it I should have been more aware of my surroundings, but before I knew what was happening I had been cornered by a few members of the hockey team. It's a bit of a blur after that…it was a most unpleasant experience…" He trailed off.

Both mother and son scowled in unison before Rosemary turned, flicking her gaze back to look at her still scowling son as she lifted an eyebrow, "And you Kev? How did you come into all of this Prince Charming?"

Snorting he sputtered red faced at the nicknamed bestowed upon him, "Maaa seriously stop callin' me all these cliché crappy names will yah?" He tugged on the brim of his signature red hat and frowned deeply.

"I just got outta football practice; I'd left my baby (his precious motorcycle he was gifted on his sixteenth birthday) at home this morning cause of the shitty weather so I was walkin' to Double D's. I saw his hat on the ground by some trash bins…the dork…I mean he never fuckin' takes it off so I knew something was wrong." He continued nearly growling it out.

The more he remembered the angrier about it he felt

It was like a deep fire was welling inside of his chest.

Why the hell did someone beating up the stupid nerdy dork piss him off so goddamn bad?

Turning his hat backwards he looked up to meet his mother's identical green eyes which were holding a gleam of something he couldn't understand, "I picked up his stupid hat and then heard something in the alleyway so I went to look; found him crumpled up in a ball beaten to hell an back, so I brought him here."

Managing a small smile his mother nodded some then looked to Edd who had managed to stay oddly silent throughout Kevin's whole explanation, "I don't suppose you know the names of the boys who bullied you?"

Wanting to shrink the to the size of a grain of rice to get away from the heated emerald stares puncturing his lithe figure.

He bit his already swollen lip out of habit and nervousness before whimpering in pain, "I…um…it happens too often I suppose, I lose track of the faces and names…" Edd replied rather lamely.

Scowling Kevin makes his way over to the couch, "That's a load of bullshit and you know it Double D."

Looking down Edd's hands trembled in his lap, "It would not make a difference if you knew their names or not Kevin…it would only continue on elsewhere…where you nor anyone else can help me."

The copper haired woman tsked in a sad tone, "Well let's at least tend to your wounds shall we? Shirt off now dear."

His head snapped up his cyan eyes turning as big as saucers quite comically, "P-Pardon Ma'am, y-you wish for me to do what now?"

Putting her hands on her hips in a typical chastising mother like manner she smiled gently but looked stern nevertheless, "I need to see the damage done to your ribs and the back of your head Eddward; I think you may have a slight concussion, and if it's too much for me to handle we may need to take you to the emergency room."

Turning pink in embarrassment his eyes began to fill with a bit of panic, "Oh…yes…of course…b-but I don't suppose there is a way…to check with my shirt still on…?"

Kevin frowned, "What are you hiding dweeb?"

"Kevin, leave him be with the insults, honestly you're seventeen start acting it." She knelt infront of Edd and took his smaller hands into her slightly larger slender longer more elegant ones.

Looking into his eyes as she rubbed his palms soothingly, "Sweetheart I really need to see how bad the bruising is, I promise it'll be quick and you can put your shirt back on in no time alright?"

Grumbling Kevin chose to stay silent and watch them closely, his eyes never leaving Edd.

Letting out a nervous shaky breath Edd nodded.

His eyes darting back down to his lap as he moved to first pull off his thin black hoodie and then his t-shirt.

A pale lithe willowy frame came into view, his chest lacked a lot of muscle but what was there was thin and wiry like that of a swimmer; splayed across his rib cage were dark purplish black an blue bruising that looked anything but moderate or comfortable.

But I suppose what Edd was really ashamed of were the long slash like thin scars lining his sides, and shoulders.

They were precise thin white scarrings that could only have been done by a blade of some kind, and not by accident.

Kevin was in his face in seconds as his hands darted forward pulling off both checkered black and white wrist bands that were always around the smaller male's wrists.

Double D gasped in surprise and immense panic, "N-No don't!"

But it was too late the bands came free revealing deeper skillfully placed smaller thin slash scarring.

Rosemary's eyes darkened softening in sorrow.

Swiftly taking the wrist bands back from her shell shocked son who was just staring, standing there wide eyed with anger and disbelieve swirling in his eyes.

A Hiccupping whimper met their ears and they both looked to Edd again.

"You were not supposed t-to see those…no one was e-ever supposed to see th-those…how mortifying…how very em-embarressing…" Tears quickly beaded at the corners of his eyelashes and trickles down his cheeks.

"Kevin, go make some tea please." Rosemary spoke softly.

Snapping out of his daze Kevin looked ready to argue, but she sent him a scathing glare and thought better against it, "Y-Yeah..sure…" He stumbled toward their kitchen.

His mind filled with several different troubling thoughts at once.

Why on earth would the dork…hurt himself? Why would anyone do such a thing to themselves?

His hands were shaking with anger as he filled the kettle and set it on the stove.

The auburn haired jock was at a complete loss as to what to feel about this situation.

It was fucking bad enough he was questioning his own sexuality, he didn't need this shit piled on top of it too!

Rubbing his face tiredly in defeat he just simply stared at the floor letting his thoughts consume him as he waited for the tea kettle to go off.

* * *

They sat in silence as Kevin's mother gingerly and skillfully bandaged his chest and head. With a thin springy cloth of gauze; putting smaller band aids on several minor cuts and scrapes.

"There now, you were lucky the concussion is mild, and your ribs aren't broken but badly bruises. How long are your parents usually gone for Eddward?" Rosemary finally spoke up.

Blinking back tears he fumbled for an answer, "It depends really…sometimes weeks, more often than not more than two months…there was this one time they were gone closer to a year." He smiled weakly.

"It's alright though…they have been traveling since I was twelve years of age…and I am more than capable in taking care of myself in their prolonged absences."

Taking on a pissed look her emerald green eyes flared in a way that reminded Edd of Kevin; which he supposed made a lot of sense seeing as they are mother and son.

"Do you have a number I can reach to get a hold of them?"

Paling drastically Edd looked up at her with pleading eyes, "Y-You're not going to tell mother and father about my…my…" He motions to his wrists ashamedly, "Are…you?"

Her eyes soften losing a lot of their anger, "They have a right to know their child is harming himself Eddward…I know if Kevin were doing the same I'd want to be told."

Beginning to shake all over Double D's breathing came out in sharp rapid harsh gasps, "I…b-beg of you…you can't…please don't…I…" His breathing turned into a full on gasping rasp sending Rosemary forward in seconds.

Having heard Edd's begging, Kevin came running in, "Fuck Ma what did you do to him?!"

He hurriedly put the tea down and knelt next to his mother fear running ramped in his eyes.

"Eddward! Sweetheart you need to breathe, come on…listen to my breathing, can you do that?"

Tears rolled down pale cheeks as Double D hiccupped and gasped trying to breathe, trying to listen to the kind woman before him.

But with the newly done damage to his ribs and the panic attack coiling in his chest which was gripping hold of him, that was more than he could accomplish at this moment in time.

"Shit…" Kevin climbed onto the couch and pulled the smaller ravenette onto his lap.

Not knowing what else to do to calm him, the red head began rubbing the younger teen's back soothingly while whispering softly into his ear, "You're okay Edd…calm down, come on now…please…just breathe with me okay?" He uttered fearfully.

Watery cyan eyes locked with frantic emerald, it seemed like the stretch of a century had passed in mere mintures before Edd's breathing began slowly to a more regular healthy pace.

A small pale hand gripped onto Kevin's shirt as Edd slumped back against him in exhaustion and wariness.

If Kevin hadn't been so fucking scared he would have marveled at how perfect the dork felt against his larger frame.

Turning his gaze to his mother Kevin's eyes were wide, "What…what the fuck was that?"

Smiling sadly his mother sat next to them, "That..was a very severe panic attack, I wasn't aware he had them…or I would have tried to have worded my words a tad better."

"P-panic attack…? That…whole not being able to breath shit was a fucking panic attack?" Kevin ground out as his grip unconsciously tightened around Edd protectively, "What if he couldn't calm down?"

"He would have eventually...but you did a very good job in calming him down Kevin." She smiled softly at them.

Edd looked about ready to fall asleep he was still very much shirtless, but couldn't find it in him to be embarrassed or upset about being held so possessively on his ex-bully's lap like a favorite toy or rag doll.

He was just too tired at the moment to even care.

"I won't tell your parents for the time being Eddward…but I can't in all good consciousness let you leave and go unattended to by yourself at home alone."

Frowning some Double D squirmed in Kevin's hold trying to sit up better, "I…understand your concern Misses Barr…but…I'm used to being alone…it's nothing new to me really…and…I have survived this long on my own…I do not see the problem."

"Well you have two options to pick from Eddward, I either take you to the emergency room and get in touch with your parents about your acts of self harm, or…you can stay with Kevin and I until your parents return and I can speak with them properly face to face."

Kevin stiffened blinking at his mom in complete shock, "The dweeb…stay here…with us?"

Rosemary smiled, "Those are his options."

Edd looked like a deer caught in headlights, "I..I…suppose…I will have to go with option B, Ma'am…if I am not intruding of course…"

"Nonsense you're not intruding at all Eddward! In fact it's been a tad lonely around here with just Kevin and me. Having another more feminine touch around here would be wonderful." She grinned.

Pouting some the raven haired male frowned, "I am not feminine…"

The red head put the smaller on the couch awkwardly having realized he was still holding him, "Sure you're not dork."

Standing up he looked to his mother, "So…um…he's gonna be in the guest room I guess right?"

Please, don't put him in my room...

Nodding to him his mother stood as well and brushed off her pants, "I'm going to freshen up a bit and then make dinner, and luckily I'm off tonight. Why don't you two go and collect some of Eddward's things and bring them over?"

Kevin looking relieved looked to Double D who merely nodded in return, "Sure…"

Getting off the couch the raven haired teen pulled on his shirt and hoodie wincing some.

He then picked up his black and white beanie replacing it on his head tucking his shoulder length wild black tresses inside of it.

Kevin's mother smiled some and made her way upstairs leaving them alone in the living room.

"I…I am very sorry Kevin…I never meant to drag you into any of this…" He stared at the still warm un drunken tea on the coffee table in despair.

"Shut up, you didn't ask me to help you. I just did, so what if you've got problems…? We all do..doesn't make you anymore weird or nothin' than you already were." The jock said quietly as he took Edd's tiny hand in his much bigger one, and tugged him toward the door.

Looking up at Kevin wide eyed a small gap toothed smile made it's way onto his face, "…Thank you nevertheless Kevin…"

Blushing slightly and not looking at the shorter of the two he snorted, "Whatever dork don't mention it...like serious don't ever mention it again. Now come on the sooner we get your crap the sooner we can come back and eat, I'm starved."

Smiling again Edd nodded and let himself for once be willingly dragged along hand in hand by someone he once considered his enemy.

Perhaps today wasn't so bad after all.


	4. A lonely home, and perhaps family?

_**AN: *sniffles* thank you so much to all the lovely kind words that have been said to me… You all really don't know how much it makes me feel awesome. Because like Edd I have a very low self esteem so…thank you all so very much for reviewing and saying so many kind things! Also for those of you who liked Kevin's mother I'm so relieved! Haha I was sure if anyone was going to approve to her taking a more active role in the fanfic, because KevEdd fanfiction that I've read I never really see much of either of their parents and when they do make appearances it not always as positive. Rosemary will be making many more appearances and teasing jabs at her son's sexuality and Edd's cuteness! Actually a lot of Edd's problems are based on most of my own so, I'm sorry if it tends to get too emotional or realistic for any of you. Also everyone should totally listen to "Lost at Sea" By Zedd. I put it on repeat while writing this~ *bows* on with chapter four~!**_

_**Declaimer: I do not own Ed Edd N' Eddy in any shape or form, if I did Kevin and Edd would have been kissing canonly at twelve years old *snicker**__*****_

**Warnings: Past and present self mutilation, severe bullying(violence) hate crimes, possessive behavior, mature content of the M/M variety, mentions of past suicide attempts, Bad grammar and cursing on Kevin's part, anymore warnings will be listed as they come along**

******Attention! Also I seriously need a Beta because I keep finding mistakes in my chapters unfortunately AFTER I post them x.x I seem to over look them accidentally lol a Second pair of eyes would be very much appreciated So if anyone is interested please pm me! Thanks~ *bows* ******

* * *

There was a soft flurrying of snowflakes floating down in the air around them sending a chill down both of their spines causing them to walk a tad closer than they normally would have been otherwise.

Edd gripped Kevin's hand a little bit tighter in desperate need of comfort, as the days events were finally beginning to take their toll on his body.

The motion caused the taller male to side glance at him briefly before he returned the squeeze with a light reasuringly one of his own.

He then continued to looke ahead of them.

Double D's thoughts were racing and he was suddenly very aware of how positively exquisite it had felt on the couch in Kevin's arms earlier.

His thin shoulders quivered slightly as he remembered how the red head's arms had been protectively wrapped around his person in a dominant possessive manner.

He only wished the next time it occurred that it would not have to be caused by such nerve shattering events.

Then, just maybe he could have the time to savor it.

To catalogue it in his memories for later appreciation.

The walk over to Edd's was very sweet and endearing; both of their hands were still clasped together and slightly sweaty from nervousness.

The only problem is that it was done in total, very awkward silence.

Icy white clouding puffs of breath issued from their mouths in almost perfect unison as they both simply decided to look at anything but each other.

The ground for example was looking particularly lovely at this moment in time.

Edd's heart was beating abnormally fast inside of his chest.

His cheeks felt horribly hot despite the harsh bite of the mid November air.

Why was Kevin even holding his hand he wondered.

Surely the jock hadn't needed to do that when he lived merely only a few steps away.

Although he would have to admit only in complete secrecy to himself.

That he was most certainly was not complaining on the matter.

After all it was rather warm and nice despite the frigid cold around them.

It made Edd feel quite floaty and safe on the inside.

Crossing the street with little trouble they didn't seem to run into anyone from Cul-de-sac that they knew thankfully.

The less they needed to explain the better; which was a shared thought on both their parts.

Especially the whole holding hands part; and the fact that they were walking so closely that their sides kept brushing together unconsciously.

Flustering some Double D looked to Kevin out of the corner of his cyan eyes.

The red haired jock was stoic and blank as usual.

He was a complete enigma, one in which the poor smaller male could not seem to figure out for the life of him.

Edd looked ahead of them and realized that the seemingly long walk from Kevin's home to his own had come to an end

* * *

Kevin took in the sight before him as they finally reached the side walk.

He hadn't ever really been over to the dork's house before now so he didn't really know what to expect at first; in fact as a kid he had made it a point to avoid any of the Ed's houses as much as possible.

The front lawn of Edd's house had a fresh thin powdery layering of snow coating over it.

The grey and white flag stone walk way was covered in a thick gracious helping of rock salt that the raven must have put out himself, so as that no one would have to break their necks on the way up.

The house it's self was fairly large, easily one of the biggest in the Cul-de-sac after Kevin's that is.

It was a modest light mint color, with white painted shutters and panes on the windows.

In a strange way it almost reminded Kevin of a dollhouse of some sort; it just seemed too damn perfect for some reason.

Like he could even almost imagine some gigantic little girl with her hair pulled back in pigtails just appearing out of nowhere to start playing with it, while using Edd as one of her dolls.

Shaking his head he scowled, he had a fucking weird imagination.

A small timid voice snapped the red head from his thoughts making his emerald eyes dart down to wide quivering nervous blue orbs.

"I…um…n-need my hand back now K-kevin." Double D murmured softly, a pink blush dabbing his cheekbones in a completely adorable way.

He pulled back his hand so fast it gave off the impression the smaller of the two had literally burnt him.

Coughing some nervously into his hand Kevin stuffed it hastily into his right pocket, "Right..." He snorted his cheeks suspiciously turning a light pink in color, "Whatever...so you gonna open your door anytime soon dweeb? Or are yah just gonna stare at it for the next hour?"

Flustering bright red in embarrassment Edd's hands fumbled immediately going to his pockets as he dug around clumsily for the key, "O-Oh yes of course, my extreme apologies! Let me just find the key…and we shall enter post haste!"

Kevin shifted onto his one foot and lazily watched him an eyebrow raised as he took in the cute flustered look the nerd now sported.

Wait a second…cute?! ARUUUGHHHH the dork was so not at all cute…

Even when he blushed like a stupid girl and fidgeted around all nervous an adorable like…

And…crapppp!

Fuck, nooooo stop right there!

Just stop thinking about weird stuff like this!

Man this totally sucks..

Sucks…

He balked in horror as perverted imagery came flashing to life in his mind.

None of it being anything like his usual fantasies/daydreams at all.

Quick, think…think…um…boobs!

Chicks in bikinis…

Nazz naked!

Anything!

WHY WAS'NT THIS WORKING?!

Groaning inwardly the ex bully looked back to Edd who seemed to have finally found the missing key to the door, "Has anyone told you that you say sorry way too damn much?"

Chortling softly Double D smiled gently and turned the key in the lock, "No, I do not suppose they have. Though, has anyone ever told you that you use entirely too much profanity in your daily speech patterns?"

Kevin gave him a dumb look, "Say what?"

Sighing some the slender raven pushed the door in before pocketing the key.

"You curse too much." He rephrased bluntly.

Snickering some Kevin followed him inside smirking the whole way, "Oh…well duh, my Ma used to smack the shit outta my head all the time about that, but then again I'm so damn tall now she has to lean on furniture to do it nowadays. So it doesn't really happen all too much anymore."

Shaking his head in faux dismay in return Edd then swiftly took his shoes off at the door.

He then placed them down on a grey "welcome" home mat before slipping on two downy white bunny slippers which had been waiting for him, "Shoes off Kevin."

Kevin looked skeptic, "Dude seriously? I'll take off my shoes but there's no way in hell I'm wearing any dorky animal slippers, that's for damn sure."

Giggling softly slightly behind his hand Edd smiled his signature gapped toothed smile.

The very one in the same that was slowly beginning to grow too damn adorable for Kevin's liking, "Yes well…that's quite alright seeing as I doubt I have any of them in your particular size anyway…your feet are rather on the large side compared to mine."

He wiggled to his small petite bunny slipper clad feet in response.

The red head snorted eying the raven's feet briefly before he grinned, "That's because you're the size of a girl, dweeb."

Bristling visibly Double D puffed up his chest in apparent offense, his cheeks dusting red with slight anger, "What is it with everyone trying to downsize my masculinity? I was born obviously of the male gender! Perhaps…I am a bit on the shorter more lithe side of the spectrum of what usual males look like…but I am just as manly as the next seventeen year old boy."

Kevin's lips twitched oddly some before he suddenly fell back on his ass and started full blown laughing, "Oh god…you manly?! Youuu, of all people? You're about as manly as Jimmy, Double D."

Frowning Edd sputtered indignantly before he looked down and muttered, "At least I am somewhat taller than he."

The red head wiped his eyes and stood up towering over the petite raven, "Yeah like by one inch congrats; but dude you're way skinnier than him, and your built curvy like a girl or somethin'."

Lifting a dark eyebrow in confusion Double D looked down at himself, "Curvy..? I am by no means…curvy…I have no bust…and my hips are adequately masculine in their body shape…"

He looked back at Kevin questioningly before he smiled shyly tilting his head to the side in an almost teasing manner that surprises even himself, "Does that mean you have been looking at me quite often Kevin?"

Emerald eyes widen as the taller red head panics, "W-what? No! Why would I…I mean…I'm not even…and you're a…seriously! No dude! Just no…"

Edd in turn smiles a shaky small thin lipped smile, one that doesn't quite reach his now sadden blue eyes, "Y-Yes…well I am merely only speaking in jest of course, do not worry about it Kevin. Everyone knows that you are clearly only interested in the female persuasion of our species."

He turns away from Kevin and starts toward the stairs, "I'll be back in a few minutes…please go into the living room area. Make yourself comfortable in my absence, I won't take too long I promise."

And with that he ascended up the stairwell quickly as his short legs could carry him away from the tension in the front hall.

Kevin bit his lip hard in frustration as he watched him go, "Crap…did I say something wrong?"

He tugged down on the brim of his hat aggravatedly.

Why did talking to the dweeb have to be so damn hard?

Sighing he walked into the living room finding himself looking around it in curiosity.

The house on the inside was worse than it was on the outside in his opinion.

I mean yeah it was spotless and tidy, in a complete cliché stepford housewives' dream house sort of way.

But it was really cold and barren feeling.

Impersonal almost like it wasn't well lived in.

Like nothing happy had ever happened in it before.

Surprisingly there were no family photos hanging on the walls either.

Just some strange paintings dotted the walls here and there, in a way that seemed that they had only been hung to cover up the absence and lack of any familial togetherness in the home.

Foreign sculptures stood on the mantle from various places in the world that Kevin couldn't really recognize.

Frowning deeply he felt himself getting pissed off.

He couldn't even remember what Edd's parents looked like let alone what they did for a living.

What were their names even?

When was the last time they had been home?

Did they even call their son anymore?

Or spend the holidays with him?

He briefly remembered hearing from one of the other Ed's about them communicating via sticky notes, but that was just so goddamn sad to even think about.

Why would you do that to your own kid?

Why even have one if you weren't going to spend time with them?

No wonder the dork had such problems.

He was probably lonely as fuck, having been left alone by himself the majority of his childhood and teenage years.

That was bound to screw up even the strongest person.

I mean at least he had his mom.

His dad had been a total bastard, having cheated on his mom a few years back at the end of seventh grade.

Rosemary had been heartbroken from what he remembered of it, but took it calmer than Kevin sure as hell did.

After his dad left things had been rough for a while, but they had made it work and got through the harsh parts together.

But Edd…

The dork didn't even have that, he was all alone and had been for a very long time it seemed.

Before now no one had bothered to even look underneath his now blaringly obvious fake ass smiles.

How long had he been suffering by himself, spouting off the shitty excuse of "I'm fine" to anyone who would listen?

Kevin's hands gripped into white knuckled fists at his sides.

He felt ashamed, and angry at himself for not noticing before now.

Well fuck that, he could at least look out for the dweeb from now on.

Make sure he was healthy and sort of maybe happy an crap…

I mean someone sure as hell needed to..

Arugh this is so turning into one of those stupid fucking yaoi/slash mangas that Nazz collected and gushed so much about.

He could see it now, the Jock and the Nerd, forbidden romance and shit or somethin'.

Bleh…he sure hoped not.

Then again it was getting pretty hard to fucking deny anymore.

He couldn't even remember when it had all started.

When had he started to notice those different lil small things about the raven haired teen that made his insides turn to complete knots?

Why now of all times when wouldn't even have bothered to look at him a year before now?

What had changed so drastically, so quickly?

He honestly couldn't goddamn tell you 'cause he was still trying to work that part out in his newly sexually confused brain.

* * *

The sound of soft foot falls on the stairs jarred him back to reality.

He looked up to see Edd struggling badly to bring down a small grey suitcase, a medium sized satchel bag, and a potted plant of some kind.

"What's with the fern, dork?" Kevin spoke dubiously.

"Jim is most certainly not a fern! He is a cactus…and I've had him for a very long time."

"…You named it?" The red head looked dumbfounded at the raven haired genius but smirked some, "That's kinda cute dork."

Flustering some Edd winced he coughed and wheezed a bit as he began to sway on his feet.

The red head darted quickly into action, encircling his strong arms around Edd's slender waist keeping him upright.

"Hey, are you sure your okay?" Kevin frowned in concern, quickly taking both the bag and suitcase from Edd leaving him just holding Jim, "You should have said you needed help, you shouldn't really be carrying all this crap on your own after what happened earlier."

Looking down the smaller male bit his lip slightly; his blue eyes hooded some while his cheeks burned red, "I..did not wish to bother you Kevin."

Groaning Kevin looked down at Edd and tilted the smaller boys chin upward so their eyes met, "You ain't a bother Double D…just say somethin' next time will yah? I'm not a mind reader; I ain't good at these kinds of things. I need to be told someone needs help…I don't really think ahead…never been good at that sorta stuff."

Edd looked up at the jock and smiled a slight smile flustering softly at the skin to skin contact, "I will be sure to remember that for next time, thank you Kevin. Now perhaps we should be heading back to your home. I think your mother mentioned something about making dinner?"

Letting his hand drop abruptly Kevin coughed some awkwardly, "Oh yeah, I forgot I'm still hungry as hell. Let's go D." Grinned the ex-bully before moving away and toward the front door.

Cyan eyes followed him as he went, "I'll be out in just a moment…I must tend to something important quickly before we leave." Edd mumbled out softly as he placed Jim down on the coffee table.

He then shuffled his feet against the soft plush cream carpeting of the floor as he walked toward the kitchen without another word.

The red head's lips twitched downward into a confused frown but he said nothing in protest as he went outside to wait for him.

* * *

Edd stopped hesitantly in front of the refrigerator which was covered from head to toe in sticky notes of various different colors.

Each of them stating some sort of message dictating him to do a chore of some kind or just a simple reminder to follow written by his parents; all to be done long before their return.

Un-sticking each and everyone from the smooth surface, he placed them all in the trash bin without a spare glance to his actions he sighed.

He knew very well that he would be in severe trouble for doing this when his parents did finally come home.

Edd could literally see the identical twin disappointed looks in his parent's eyes, as well as hear said lectures of responsibility already.

Opening a drawer he pulled out a black sharpie marker clicking it open, he then took off a blue sticky paper from the pad at the top door of the fridge.

Quickly writing something down with shaking fingers, he stuck the note next to the pad.

Smiling sadly Edd turned away and walked back into the living room his feet dragging as he went.

Pull yourself together Eddward, now is not the time to be so blatantly immature.

What would Kevin say if he saw you being debilitatingly weak in front of him?

Perhaps he would laugh or poke fun at him?

Shaking his head he rubbed his still uncovered scarred wrists out of habit.

No…

Kevin had shown that he indeed had proved to have grown exceptionally mentally more mature over the years since their childhood bouts of pranks and stints of bullying.

Slowly picking up Jim gently he hugged the pot to his chest almost protectively.

Blinking back tears he internally scolded himself for being so childish and useless.

Looking around one last time with sad cyan eyes he hung his head letting a soft, "Goodbye" pass from his lips into the empty air around him before making his way outside.

* * *

Kevin was there waiting silently on the front porch when he got there.

The taller of the two looked down at him questioningly, "So…what did you need do anyway?"

Edd shifted some from foot to the other uneasily before looking back at the red haired jock, "I left a note for my parents on my whereabouts for the next few months…so they do not have to become needlessly worried about where I am."

He looked down at his feet again.

Then again the chances of them coming back home early and finding the note, or worrying about him at all was very slim.

Kevin cleared his through loudly making the smaller jump slightly and look up.

"Come on then if you're ready to go, if I stand here any longer I'm gonna fucking starve to death. Or start eating the porch swing or something."

Giggling softly Double D rolled his eyes teasingly but gratefully at Kevin's change of topic, "Yes, shall we then?"

With that they started back across the street this time not holding hands, but the tension that had been wrapped around them earlier had melted away.

Somehow it was more intimate than holding hands had been.

How curious.

* * *

Humming softly to a tune her mind had quite literally on the spot made up, Rosemary stirred a steaming pot of sauce and meatballs as she added some seasonings to it.

She was less worn out and tired looking than she had been earlier, having gained a lot of color back from her shower.

Dressed simply in a grey t-shirt with the Disney cartoon movie version of the Cheshire cat on it, and dark purple matching pajama pants with the words "We're all mad here" scrawled lazily in several areas in wispy green lettering she looked very comfortable and at ease.

Her copper curls were pulled back into a high messy knotted bun atop her head to keep out of her face and eyes.

Smiling softly she turned down the burner under the pot to a soft simmer.

Picking up the box of Spaghetti she took out the pasta breaking it in half as she put it into another pot next to the other, one that was filled with water that had just begun to boil.

Adding a pinch of salt and pepper to the water to bring a bit of extra flavor to the pasta she looked at the clock briefly wondering if the boys were on their way back yet.

She sighed and tucked a loose curl behind her ear, she really didn't want to cause another anxiety attack for Eddward.

But she did need to know a few more details on some things if he was going to be staying with them for a prolonged period of time.

The back screen door being creaked open nosily sounded off on its hinges before Kevin came into view and walked in holding the majority of Edd's things.

Double D walked in a moment later carrying what Rosemary noted seemed to be a cactus labeled, "Jim".

Blinking her emerald eyes she smiled a gentle sort of smile, "Kevin, why don't you set his things in the living room for now and after dinner you can show him his room."

Nodding her son walked silently into the other room and set down the suitcase and bag next to the couch.

The small raven followed suit, deciding to place Jim down on the coffee table would be safest.

"Dinner's almost ready! I Hope you like spaghetti and meatballs Eddward." Called Rosemary from the kitchen brightly.

Flustering again Edd looked to Kevin who was already walking back toward his mother.

He smiled pleasantly at them.

This was nice…

Perhaps this is what family gatherings should truly feel like?

He mused to himself silently before gathering himself.

Looking into Curious and merrily gleaming emerald eyes he responded to the question, "Oh yes. I enjoy pasta dishes a great deal Ma'am, most especially spaghetti."

Rosemary wipes her hands on a wash cloth before winking at him, "Good, because mine is really awesome! Oh and sweetie please just call me Rosemary."

Flustering cutely Edd nearly pouted, "Oh b-but we have barely made it past acquaintances yet Ma'am..I would never be so rude as to call you by your first name so soon.."

She looked to her son arching a well manicured eyebrow, "Is he always this…polite?"

Snorting some Kevin sat down at the table his elbows resting on the surface of it and smirked a side grin his green eyes watching the interaction like a lazy but entertained cat, "Nah…sometimes he's way worse."

Putting his hands on his hips Edd tried to glare at the other male but it kind of just turned into an extreme angry looking pout, "One should always have the proper etiquette and manners Kevin…without them we are just uncivilized plebeians speaking slandering atrocities."

Blinking owlishly at him the auburn ex-bully looked extremely confused, "Pebbly what now…?"

The raven haired genius just let out an exasperated noise.

Shaking his head Kevin forked a finger at Edd in response to his mother, "Yeah so just like that…whatever the hell he just said…sometimes he just makes no fucking sense at all."

His mother squealed softly, "You are just so positively adorable Eddward…" She sniffs softly and hugs him to her voluptuous chest nearly smothering him in the process, "I've always wanted a daughter this is all so very wonderful…"

Squirming in her hold Double D grumbled about being labeled a female again but secretly enjoyed the warmth of the hug.

He didn't get them very often so he was taking advantage of the warm comfort.

"What am I chopped livers Ma?" Frowned Kevin from his seat.

Pouting Rosemary reluctantly let go of the small raven haired teen and turned toward her son, "Oooooh of course not Kev! You'll always be my little man! But…you're so….burly and tall now." She wrinkled her nose and mocked sniffled into her hand dramatically, "Besides, Eddward is just the right size to be cuddled and loved upon you see."

Looking at her blankly Kevin rolled his eyes, "Well as long as yah don't suffocate him with your huge boobs I think he'll survive."

Edd's cyan gaze goggled, "K-Kevinnnn! Manners, honestly!

Smirking the copper haired woman winked, "Well I'll just have to be careful, I wouldn't want to encroach on your territory after all Kev."

Her emerald eyes gleamed mischievously as her words had finally begun to sink in her son's brain making him pale drastically at her before his ears turned as red as his hair, "My what...? Ma, what the fuck…he's not…and…god will you stop already?"

Edd just stood wide eyed as he forced himself to sit down next to Kevin, choosing wisely to stay out of this entirely odd and mountingly private discussion.

He rubbed his hand over his face and asked a bit lamely, "Is dinner ready yet?"

Snickering to herself, his mother turned back and to the stove and strained the pasta in the sink, "Yup, Kev get off your lazy bum and set the table will you?"

"Ahuh sure…" Glad that the conversation at steered clear of his seemingly impending change in sexuality; Kevin quickly moved over to the top cabinets and took out three plates.

"Do you need any more help Misses Ba-I mean…R-Rosemary?" Edd sputtered out meekly.

Rosemary turned and smiled gently at him, "Could you go and get us some forks? Second draw to the right." She motioned to the side and began filling each plate Kevin had set out with a good helping of pasta.

Edd was off his feet in seconds, "Of course!" Eager to please and help the kind woman before him he ambled forward nearly tripping on his shoe laces in the process.

Managing to regain his footing he rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly and opened the drawer; as he was instructed pulling out three forks for each of them.

Returning to the table he placed them down next to everyone's plate and took his seat again.

"Thank you Eddward, now let's all enjoy!" The woman said as she then set down a shaker full of parmesan cheese.

Kevin sat down again and grinned, "You haven't made pasta in ages Ma."

He started slurping up the noodles happily while his mother scolded him for eating so sloppily.

Double D smiled a soft but sad smile to himself at the mother and son exchange as he watched them silently, forgetting completely to eat his own food.

Narrowed emerald blazed into his own cyan colored ones startling him from his thoughts, "What's wrong dor-" His mother elbowed him painfully in the ribs making Kevin grimace and reword his sentance, "You okay Edd? Is somethin' wrong with the food? I swear she may not look it but my mom's a damn good cook."

Flustering nervously the raven shook his head back and forth wildly, "N-No no…it's all quite lovely…I'm just…." He lowered his eyes to his food then back at them, "I…am not at all used to dining with anyone other than myself…"

Green eyes sparked angrily some before softening slightly, "Well get used to it, we eat together whenever we can and that now includes you so…just stop over thinking crap and eat. You're skinny as a damn twig dude, the more you eat the better."

Smiling softly off to the side Rosemary nodded swirling some spaghetti onto her fork, "You're Kevin's friend right? That makes you family."

Edd's eyes watered slightly, "…friends...well I suppose...perhaps...b-but...f-family?" He looked taken a back.

Kevin snorted earning a glare from his mother, "Looks like you're stuck with us dork."

Muttering a soft thank you Edd began eating, a true smile tugging on his lips whilst he did so.

* * *

After a very silent but not at all unpleasant dinner, Kevin had taken Double D up to the guest room.

It was a very basic room with cream colored walls and light grey carpeting, holding a queen sized bed and a desk in the corner.

An empty bookshelf stood off to the side, one that Edd immediately had personally and silently promised to fill with his books as soon as possible.

The jock had fled the room surprisingly quickly after depositing the nerd's things down, muttering gruffly about how he needed to take a shower and go to bed.

Edd paid no mind to Kevin's odd behavior; it had been after all a very long day for them.

And to be honest he was surprised at how well and understanding the usually hot tempered red head had handled everything.

Setting Jim down on the middle of the desk the raven slowly took off his black and white beanie setting it aside, letting his shiny shoulder length black tresses tumble out.

Walking over to the window he swiftly pulled back the curtains and stared out at the now darkening sky.

It was still snowing lightly outside, blanketing the streets with soft looking tufts of white powder.

The street lamps were slowly snuffing out one by one, as were the lights in several of the Cul-de-sac houses surrounding them.

Trying but failing miserably to suppress a yawn Edd winced in pain as his ribs started aching terribly again.

Curses! He had forgotten to ask for pain medication before coming upstairs.

Oh well…it was not all too bad, he supposed he had had worse.

Turning away from the window he knelt down to open his satchel bag pulling out two prescription pill bottles.

Eying them forlornly he uncorked them and took one pill from each dry mouthed.

Grimacing some at the bitter taste he then started unpacking everything.

This room really needed a good dusting…

That would be the first thing he'd do before bed.

Messy, Messy, Messy…


	5. Of horny teenagers, and bad decisions

_**AN: Well the last chapter didn't get as many reviews as I had hopped but at least new readers started to read! So welcome new peoples! *waves* I'm glad everyone is enjoying the story so far, this chapter is where the accidental touches, longing glances, and Kevin's denial comes to fruition. Sooooo I do hope everyone has fun with it! This chapter I listened to Clarity by Zedd ft. Foxes! Give it a listen! It's very KevEdd :) **_

_**Also Special thanks to **_Wolfisis _**who makes writing this story all the more fun and special with her hilariously adorable reactions. **_

_**Annnnd thank you to **_Beautifulyaoilover93 _**for an idea suggestion I hope this is up to par on what you had envisioned :) **_

_Declaimer: I do not own Ed Edd N' Eddy in any shape or form, if I did Kevin and Edd would have been kissing canonly at twelve years old *snicker*_

**Warnings: Past and present self mutilation, severe bullying(violence) hate crimes, possessive behavior, mature content of the M/M variety, mentions of past suicide attempts, Bad grammar and cursing on Kevin's part, anymore warnings will be listed as they come along**

_******Attention! Also I seriously need a Beta because I keep finding mistakes in my chapters unfortunately AFTER I post them x.x I seem to over look them accidentally lol a Second pair of eyes would be very much appreciated So if anyone is interested please pm me! Thanks~ *bows* ******_

* * *

Troubled rasping gasps, followed by terribly frightened pained whimpers sharply cut through the night air of the otherwise very silent and extremely dark guest room like knives.

Icy pin pricking bouts of snow were batting nosily against the pane glass of the window as the wind outside howled in a most unpleasant sort of way.

The raven haired male was curled into a fetal position, smack dab in the middle of the large queen sized bed shivering badly.

Chest heaving rising uneven and fast he squirmed trapped in a tangle of thick blankets.

He curled inward on himself as if trying his hardest to unsuccessfully get away from something hostile yet unseen.

His black and red rocket ship patterned pajama pants bottoms had begun riding down his hips slightly with each movement his body made, revealing glimpses of pale alabaster skin.

He moaned fearfully as he jutted out his slender legs harshly to kick futilely at the invisible force trying to harm and hold him into place.

Tussled black strands of hair were fanned out around him like a dark halo as he continued to struggle helplessly against the malicious entity inside of his dreamscape.

"N-No…Mmm...pl-please…I..I…be-beg…..yo-you—Nnnn" Garbled incomplete sentences fell from his parted chapped lips in a jumble of desperate babble of pleading.

A light sheen of cold sweat began breaking out all over him, shimmering and gleaming clinging over his skin tightly.

Whimpering loudly he cried out loudly again this time completely lost to the fear swelling inside of his unconscious sleeping form.

* * *

Yawning sleepily Kevin scratched his side and exited from his room.

Frowning he squinted blearily into the darkness of the empty hallway as his eyes tried to in vain to adjust to the lack of light.

They really needed to get some sort of night light for the damn hall so he didn't end up tripping and breaking his face one of these days.

Why was he even awake? It was like three am in the fucking morning according to his stupid digital alarm clock.

The reason for his continued insomnia was then profoundly obvious through the fog inside of his tired brain.

Oh right…

He'd spent hours just tossing and turning in bed, trying to get comfortable.

But his thoughts had other plans apparently because they just kept circling around replaying, running over everything that had happened throughout the whole day.

Becoming lab partners with the twitchy nervous raven haired dweeb, finding him in that alleyway all bloodied and beaten, and seeing those fucking small but very deep looking cut scars on his pale thin wrists and equally deliciously pale flat chest and stomach.

It had sent a completely foreign feeling flooding through his chest.

One that he couldn't shake or identify, all he knew is that it just made him want to protect the stupid idiot all the more now.

Not to mention the semi hard on he had gotten while holding the distressed teen against his body during the small nerd's major freak out.

Now that had been embarrassing as fuck!

Thankfully Double D seemed to have been too out of it to take notice of his problem.

Otherwise he would have had had to explain a whole shit load of things he wasn't quite ready to or sure how to.

Christ and then there was that panic attack shit…

Geez…

Now there had been a new experience for him he hadn't been ready for.

He'd never seen a panic attack up close before, or had ever had one himself.

So he never really understood what people actually went through while during one of them before now.

But to see one that fucking bad first hand, to actually see one of the people…

One of the actual kids he had freakin' grown up with go through something that shocking and painful?

It had been really hard to watch, fucking scary even.

Especially because he had been totally powerless to stop any of it, he had felt totally helpless.

It pissed him off that he couldn't even help him in anyway other than trying his damndest to sooth the small shaking and gasping teen the best that he could by rubbing his back gently letting him know that he wasn't alone.

I mean he really couldn't imagine not being able to breathe like that, even the idea of not having any control over your own body just literally made it feel like a jagged block of ice had dropped into the pit of his stomach.

Though all of that aside…

He had much bigger problems to deal with at the moment.

For example, that for some odd fucking reason it felt as if his world had been tilted, causing to completely slide off its damn axis.

His emotions were getting seriously hard to control anymore, and his body just kept betraying his mind.

Everything that he knew, literally EVERYTHING that made sense to him just yesterday was beginning to warp and change into something he wasn't quite sure he liked.

He was changing mentally, and it was affecting the way he did everything.

Like who he talked to, or how he worded things.

And he was pretty damn sure he knew the root of the problem.

It was all because of one adorably adorkably small and lonely raven haired stupid hat wearing dorky teenage genius.

Oh how the mighty have fallen…

He literally felt like some teenage girl obsessing over a crush on some crappy cheesy drama TV show.

This wasn't goddamn "Twilight", and dude it sure as hell wasn't gonna end up being like some fucked up corny romantic love story…

But if it was…

Who'd he be though? The vampire or the werewolf..?

Werewolves were seriously way cooler than bitchy emo vampires that sparkled in the sun instead of died…

He paled dramatically and smacked a hand over his face in pure unadulterated horror.

Goddamn it, he really must be seriously tired to be comparing himself to fucking Twilight characters of all things…

Running a hand through his auburn hair he shook his head tiredly in disgust.

It was way too early to think about this sorta crap.

Maybe getting some water would help.

Grumbling he squished down the temptation on sneaking a beer from the kitchen.

He sure as hell could use one or two after everything that had happened.

Rubbing the back of his bare neck he stifled another yawn.

Wearing just forest green silk boxer shorts he was anything but modest with his extremely tanned well toned abdominal muscles and six pack on show for the world to see.

Then again who was awake to even see?

He closed the door to his room softly and trudged past his mother's room as quietly as he possibly could.

That's the last thing he needed right now, to awaken the monster across the hall from her slumber.

He loved his mom to death, but she was a completely different person when she was tired.

She legit transformed into a horrifically loud banshee when she didn't get her "beauty sleep" hours she always raved about.

And yeah he might not be the sharpest tool in the shed mind you, but he sure as hell wasn't stupid enough to have a death wish thank you!

Moving forward completely on auto pilot mode he trudged along looking very zombie like until a soft pained muffled noise echoed down the hall jarring him from his thoughts just as he had reached the end of it.

Blinking his exhausted green eyes in confusion he stopped short in front of the guest room door, and leaned closer to the wooden door frame curiously.

What the fuck had that sound been?

Unmistakable heart wrenching whimpers were now clearly filtering out from underneath the door.

Frowning he turned the knob to the side slowly and opened the door a crack before peering inside.

His eyes quickly drew themselves toward the curled up hunched form of Edd; who was still very much fast asleep, but held in the grips of some sort of bad nightmare from the looks of it.

"Nnng…p-lease..s-stop…don't…" The raven's pleading gasps made Kevin's insides twist painfully.

Opening the door even wider he slipped inside the room soundlessly, before closing the door with a soft click behind him.

Eyeing the distressed shaking form of the other teen he hesitantly made his way toward the bed his bare feet dragging across the rug as he went.

Tears leaked out of closed corners of the raven's eyelids as his eyes moved rapid and alert underneath them.

Salty trails streamed down seemingly pale luminescent cheeks, falling into tussled locks as the smaller teen continued his restless slumber fitfully moving about.

Debating internally but only momentarily, Kevin crawled onto the bed next to the other.

Sitting next to him the ex-bully looked at a loss as what to do.

Should he wake him?

Would that make things better or worse?

Fuck…

He wasn't good at this sort of thing…

Comforting people usually wasn't his strongest suit.

That was what Nazz was always for, she handled the chick flick moments.

He was better at ignoring things until they got easier to handle or they just went away completely.

Then again Edd seemed to bring out the strangest sides of him, ones he wasn't aware had even existed in the first place.

A strangled whimper coming from the smaller of the two made up his mind in a heartbeat.

The jock carefully pulled Double D onto his lap resting him between his legs while propping him up against his chest, his arms then encircled around the raven haired teen's slender waist protectively.

"Shhh…it's gonna be okay…you're safe, I promise I won't let anyone hurt you like that ever again."

He carded his calloused fingers soothingly through the teen's black tresses marveling at how feathery soft the younger's hair really was.

Why the hell did he wear that stupid hat anyway? It's not like there was some huge ass secret under it or nothin'.

There was no horrific scarring, or a bald head to be embarrassed of.

All that was to be found underneath the usually hat covered head of his was was silky long midnight black hair.

Yeah it may be a bit girly for a seventeen year old boy, but it kinda suited the dork in an odd endearing sort of way.

And now that Kevin had seen Double D's supposed "secret" it just had him itching to run his fingers through it all the time.

Huh…

Maybe that's why he hid his hair.

The very thought of other people beside himself wanting to touch the pint sized teen's hair made him growl low in the very back of his throat.

Tightening his grip unconsciously around him he leaned back against the headboard and rested his chin on Edd's shoulder marveling at how oddly perfect the dweeb felt in his arms.

The smaller of the two seemed to fit like a lost puzzle piece against him.

He then quickly made a face at his own lame and corny thoughts and hastily batted them away mentally.

"Mmmm…" Still a shivering mess the raven whined softly in his sleep and squirmed in the red head's arms while unconsciously rubbing his pert behind against Kevin's boxer clad crotch.

Stiffening shuddering some at the sudden contact, emerald eyes were no longer clouded over with sleep and were very much now awake as they darted down to see if Edd had awoken.

Mumbling sleepily he smacked pink lips cutely and snuffled his nose against Kevin's collar bone; cuddling up closely to the calming warm and protective presence that was now surrounding him like a cocoon.

After making sure the dork was clearly still asleep Kevin let out a strained hissing moan.

Sighing shakily he tried to shift in a way that didn't cause the raven to be pressed up against him so intimately.

Which only seemed to unfortunately make things much, much worse.

Instead of helping their situation Edd seemed to be unconsciously hell bent on making the poor tall red head harder.

What with the raven accidental rubbing and grinding down on him still blissfully unaware in a deep slumber.

He bit his lip and gritted his teeth hard letting out a hitched breath.

Yeah there was no denying it anymore; he was getting undoubtedly, seriously, fucking hard.

Over a fucking dude…

Okay an effeminate raven haired, cute, and short dude…

But still a dude all the same!

"Fuck…this isn't good."

"Mmmm…?" Double D murmured again before opening sleepy cyan eyes looking confusedly up into Kevin's now very much panicking emerald ones.

Blinking sleepily Edd mumbles softly aloud, "Well…at least a most unpleasant nightmare decided to turn into a exceptionally good dream…"

Smiling happily he replaced his head back against Kevin's chest closing his eyes.

But upon doing so he heard the red head's heart spike, beating a mile a minute beneath him.

Which clued him in on several things at once; one being he wasn't quite sure he was dreaming as he'd previously believed himself to be.

And two he was now very aware that he felt something decidedly hard and warm pressing against him from behind.

Which cleared most if not all of the fog of exhaustion out of Edd's mind.

His blue eyes snapped open startled looking as he jumped backward away from Kevin wide eyed his mouth agape in terror, "K-Kevin…what are you…how did…what is..?"

Before the jock could respond Edd's eyes lowered to the large tent in Kevin's boxer shorts.

The small raven rubbed at his eyes frantically.

"…Am I dreaming again…? Yes I must still be asleep…this cannot be real— " He shook his head back and forth in denial.

"Y-You, would never be…here with me. O-Of all people to choose from, I must be hallucinating…yes…that's it…hallucinations, snap out of it Eddward this is clearly all a mental delusion of some sort brought on by severe stress and..." He then pinched his arm hard and yelped in surprise at the pain.

His eyes watered at the edges before they snapped back up to the red head's emerald ones.

Swallowing hard he sputtered, "….P-perhaps then…you can…explain to me as to why you are in my room holding m-me affectionately in bed…while being so um…" He turned a deep crimson before continuing, "…substantially a-aroused?"

For once Kevin's usual cool stoic mask was cracking apart at the edges like faulty china, a strong tension weighed heavily upon his broad shoulders like heavily rusted armor.

A myriad of emotions were displayed on his face, deeply etching themselves into his eyes.

Fear, shock, denial, as well as something gleaming deep inside; something almost hungry and primal in which made Edd's lower stomach tighten in anticipation and excitement as to what it all could mean.

The ex-bully rubbed a hand over his face obviously very embarrassed, then clumsily combed it through his messy auburn hair before looking back at the smaller teen.

Taking a shuddering shaky breath he spoke in a rather deep husky tone that made Edd shiver upon hearing it, "I've been up for hours, I couldn't sleep. I kept thinking about all the crap that happened today and just couldn't seem to make it stop…so I thought I'd get some water to calm down, but before I could get downstairs I heard a weird noise."

Edd tilted his head to the side and crawled a bit closer to the taller male while listening intently.

Licking his lips some in a very out of character display of nervousness he continued, "Turns out you were having some kinda really shitty bad dream…and I couldn't just leave you there alone. You sounded so fucking scared, and…you were crying and stuff. I hate when people cry. So I tried to wait and see if you'd snap out of it on your own but you kept getting worse." He shifted back some in extreme discomfort, suddenly feeling very self conscious and aware of his still very apparent hard on.

"I didn't really know what the hell to do…I'm not exactly good at comforting people. But I thought maybe if I did what I did earlier during your panic attack you'd calm down enough or somethin'."

Double D could only guess where this had all lead to; he knew for a fact that he was an avid cuddler in his sleep, and moved around a good deal when he dreamed.

Years ago according to Eddy at past sleepovers in their childhood during those disgustingly mind numbing monster movie marathons at Ed's he would somehow end up from his sleeping bag and into poor Eddy's during the night.

Which would more often than not result in personal space breachings, and extremely awkward awakenings/conversations in the mornings after.

Looking back on it now he blamed it all on his neglected lack of human contact throughout his crucial younger years of development.

But that was another can of worms entirely, one he wasn't ready to open quite yet.

Squirming some he looked back to Kevin and quickly tried to somehow think of a way to salvage the situation and perhaps a bit of Kevin's pride in the process, "…Thank you very much Kevin…for, um…helping me out with my n-nightmare. I most certainly did not mean to warrant such a strong reaction from you in such an intimate fashion…"

His cheeks burned heating up to a dark crimson as he motioned at the red head's shorts feebly, "B-but as we b-both know…you are a healthy teenage boy a-and these sorts of things are extremely normal! Clearly a-any sort of the right stimulation w-would have caused it I'm sure. So there is nothing for you to be really be upset over or embarrassed abo—"

Rough harsh lips crashing against his own soft but chapped ones effectively shut him up, as the muscled tan biceps of the jock before him pressed up deliciously against his much smaller slender heavily bandaged frame.

Which immediately sent pleasurable shocks of electricity shooting up his spine, "Nnnnggg…K-Kev'in…w-hat a-are you do…Mmm!" Edd moaned unintelligibly into the red head's mouth.

Saliva was exchanged in a hot connection of clumsy rash pressing of lips.

Growling loudly Kevin greedily took in the lovely opportunity of Edd's open moist and parted mouth.

Before diving his tongue deep inside of the raven's mouth plundering it hungrily; making sure to savor the uniquely sweet taste that could only ever belong to the dweeb.

Moaning softly Edd in turn pressed closer wrapping his arms around the athlete's neck, his senses quickly setting on overload.

He panted hotly in soft huffs as their tongues battled against one another in a dance of dominance.

After winning, the red head swirled his tongue exploring over the raven's gums as he deepened the kiss further only pulling back every now and again ever so slightly for much needed air to pass between the two of them.

Kevin's body felt as if it were on fire as he literally dwarfed Double D's body with his own.

He pressed the smaller male roughly into the mattress making it creek as he provocatively held one of Edd's wrists pinned above his head against it.

Moving away from the raven's lips, the jock's teeth found their way to his neck as he bit hard against the genius's pulse leaving a sizable love bite behind.

Everything seemed to wind down around them in slow motion, as suddenly something clicked at the back of his mind; and as quickly as things had all began Kevin was scrambling backward off and away from Double D as if he had been struck by lightning.

Blinking in a dazed confusion Edd was still very much sprawled out on his back like a delicious offering, decidedly flustered and panting heavily in soft pained gasps.

Green eyes stared down at him alit with lust and something that made the raven's insides churn in fear, because it looked an awful lot like regret.

Wincing he pushed himself up with his elbows and sat up carefully as to not to cause anymore jostling to his already badly bruised ribs.

His chest burned a bit every time he breathed and his lips felt slightly swollen and moist.

A feeling of frigid deep dread was slowly overtaking his stomach; one he was all too familiar with, because it was usually followed by an inevitable biting rejection of some kind.

"Kevin…?" His eyebrows furred in concern as he inched toward the equally flushed and panting older teen before him, "A-are you alright?" He reached out a shaking hand to touch the red head's, but Kevin quickly pulled his hand out of reach.

"Look…um…Double D…this was a huge mistake…I..I'm not like you…I'm not a…fucking fa—" He stopped instantly regretting what he almost had said at the sudden stricken heartbroken look that was now taking over Edd's face.

He lowered his green eyes guiltily looking anywhere but Edd's sorrowful cyan orbs "I-I'm not gay dude…I like girls…hell I liked Nazz for like forever you know? I dunno what the hell that was, or what happened just now. But you just make me so goddamn crazy an confused…but this can't happen…better yet it didn't happen at all okay? Just do us both a favor and pretend it never did." He quickly scrambled away climbing off the bed on shakily limbs.

Silently blinking back rapidly oncoming tears Edd just sat there on the bed staring off at the wall and nodded not even bothering to look at Kevin.

Each word had been hammered into his heart painfully like a nail into slowly rotting wood, drilling holes into it harshly.

He didn't trust his voice at all, so he just opted to stay quiet, only soft chocked hiccuping noises managing to break the surface of his lips.

Kevin looked at the floor trying in vain to ignore the pained noises Edd was now making.

It felt like barbed wire was encircling and clenching over his heart as he did so.

Clenching his jaw shut in a sudden resolve Kevin left without another word silently closing the door, not even bothering to glance back behind him.

The moment the door had clicked shut Edd closed his eyes tightly, before letting out a mournful strangled cry as he hugged his knees to his chest.

His finger nails found the flesh of his thighs and dug deeply into the skin leaving pink half crescent moon shaped markings behind in their wake.

Hiccuping shudders wracked his body as salty tear tracks flooded down his pale flushed cheeks.

Yes a mistake…

That's all he'd ever manage to be.

He should have known better then to believe even for a second that Kevin would be different, that he could ever truly want him…

No one ever did.

Everyone left eventually, so why was he so surprised?

Why had he let these feelings of infatuation and admiration fester so deeply inside of his already bruised and battered heart?

He clenched a hand over his chest digging his fingers harshly into the bandages ignoring the spikes of pain it caused the bruises beneath.

Perhaps he was a masochist.

Rubbing the backs of his hands over his still leaking cyan eyes he crawled underneath the covers touching the still warm spot in which Kevin had previously been seated in.

Sobbing softly he forcefully willed himself to be silent.

This was the last time he'd hope.

The last time he'd believe in something good happening.

He would not be weak.

Not now, and not ever again.

Soon only the quivering shake of his slender shoulders betrayed that he was still indeed crying.

* * *

The morning sun streamed in lazily through the open curtains most annoyingly as it was coincidentally if not ironically angled specifically over his closed eyes.

Grumbling weakly Eddward sat up and rubbed the eyelids of his now sore itchy reddened blood shot eyes.

Looking outside briefly before pulling back the warm comforter away from his body he sighed.

Swinging his legs over the side of the bed he stood wobbling and made his way over to the drawers he had packed full of his clothes the previous night.

Sticking his tongue in-between the gap of his teeth in concentration, he searched around trying to decide on what to wear for the day.

Finally after a few minutes of deliberation he pulled out a plain long sleeved black fishnet undershirt, a dark purple Invader Zim tee with GIR on the front ranting about something nonsensical involving tacos, and a nice pair of matching form fitting dark purple skinny jeans.

Quickly dressing he walked over to his satchel bag and opened one of the side pouches.

Digging around he finally found what he was looking for, a smooth easy roll on black eyeliner pencil, liquid cover up, and a concealing powder compact.

He knew for a fact if he didn't put any on himself he would never hear the end of it from Marie.

For he was pretty sure he had a darkening bruise on his neck where the blood vessels had been broken by Kevin's sharp persistently tugging teeth.

Bringing his fingers to his neck he skimmed his fingers over the now blemished pale flesh hesitantly.

His very first and last hickey, it was all pretty depressing if he dwelled upon on it long enough.

It was like a final branding of the painful yet lovely connection in which they had so briefly shared.

This too would vanish soon enough.

Fumbling slightly he stared down at the items in his hands.

Hopefully with the help of the makeup no one would notice how red his eyes truly were or the bruising evidence of his late night encounter.

Flicking open a small red compact mirror Marie had also gifted upon him, he surprisingly and quite skillfully much to his surprise applied two layering's of black eyeliner to the water line of his eye, and then all the way around it.

Then he unscrewed the cap to the liquid cover up and smeared a generous amount of it across his fingers slightly and carefully covered the spot on his throat before taking the powdered concealer and patted it down gently over it.

Putting everything away and wiping off his hands with a wash cloth he studied his work as he stared into the tiny mirror.

Blood shot blue eyes glared back at him harshly in response; both orbs filled with a tired defeated sort of look to them.

Sighing softly he supposed make up could only do so much.

At least now no one would ask questions about the reddened puffiness of the skin around his eyes or the love bite on his throat which was pretty much hidden by his shirt anyway.

Looking over to the desk table at Jim he automatically painted on a smile out of pure habit.

Turning his eyes downward he picked up his treasured black and white beanie.

Clenching it in his small hands he ran his slender fingers over it, basking in the security that it gave to him before placing it on his head, this time not bothering to tuck away his shoulder length black hair inside of it.

Leaning down he picked up his grey messenger bag filled with his for once very much unfinished homework and un opened books.

Oddly enough though for the very first time in his entire life that he could properly recall he could not bring himself to truly care about whether or not he had done his schoolwork or not.

Which was probably, a metaphorical yet blaringly obvious glowing red stop sign hung up just before the inevitably huge plummet off of a cliff's edge.

But it was more than clear to him that he wasn't quite feeling himself today.

In fact come to think of it he wasn't sure when the last time he'd really felt like his old self at all.

Had it been months?

Years perhaps?

He couldn't recall when this numbing feeling had really all begun to set in taking hold over him.

All that he did know presently was that he could barely piece together a time in which he had felt truly "happy" and or "content" with everything in his life.

Of course there were those snippets of past laughter and joyous unforgettable adventures he'd always hold dear to his heart, but they too had faded over time.

Like black and white film grain memories, each flickering into the darkness of the back corridors of his mind like helpless silently dying stars, all in which over the years had begun to erode crumbling away leaving long lost bitter phantoms of what once was in their place.

He couldn't tell you what it felt like before the sharp cold claws of depression had ensnared his senses and shattered his once infuriatingly cheery optimism.

Loneliness had always gone hand in hand with being who he was.

It was so ingrained into his life, that he had learned to ignore it the best of his abilities.

He had become undeniably used to it.

Though as a child he had tried to combat it with falsified cheerfulness, blinding smiles, scientific endeavors, and childish unrealistic hope.

He grimaced pursing his lips distastefully.

Now look where that had all brought him, be barely had one friend currently.

If he could label Marie even that.

Their relationship was shaky at best of times and he wasn't quite sure he could bring himself to dub her "friend" for he was fearful of what that might mean.

He learned at a very tender age of the realistic cutting biting taste of disappointment, and what it does to your trust when it repeatedly occurs.

For the moment you establish and acknowledge the reality of a bond, the ever more closely you are to breaking it all apart at the seams.

Swatting his thoughts away with a swift shake of his head he leaned down to put on long black socks.

After mechanically pulling on his lace up black high heeled boots he brushed down his pants free of invisible lint or dust and made his way out of the guest room.

Sparing a quick glance around the room to be sure he had not left anything behind he swung his grey messenger bag over his shoulder securely and continued on his way.

The first thing that assaulted his fogged senses was the distinct crackle of bacon being cooked.

Sniffing absently he made his way down the carpeted stairwell slowly forcing his feet onward.

He passed by a hanging clock on the wall and took note that it was only six am, he could only assume it was Rosemary making breakfast and not her son.

Or perhaps that was just large pitiful hoping on his part and not astute reasoning.

Though thankfully upon reaching the kitchen his assumptions were proved to be correct.

A soft smile tugged at his lips as he took in the scene before him.

Humming cheerily Rosemary Barr wiggled her hips to the music that was spouting blaringly loud from her bejeweled emerald encased Iphone on the table.

She was still in her pajamas from the night before and her hair was a disarray of copper ringlet curls bobbing here and there out of place as she danced.

Turning the bacon over in the pan she grinned happily as she plated a bunch of the meaty strips onto a blue and white serving platter; before moving back to the stove and cracking open several eggs into the skillet.

Suddenly having somehow sensed the raven's presence the copper haired woman turned to the side and smiled brightly winking in greeting, "Good Morning Eddward, early riser I take it?"

Smiling politely Edd took a seat at the table, "I've never been one to sleep in, especially on school days."

"If only Kevin could take on some of that good morning routine of yours! I swear it's like waking a coma patient with him, I sometimes have to pour a jug of water on him to even get a reaction." She snorted and blew some curls out of her face as she turned the eggs and then plated them alongside the bacon.

His lips twitched downward against his will to keep his faux smile going so he simply chose to stare at the floor instead of responding.

Frowning slightly Rosemary wiped off her hands and put the food on the table, "Something you want to talk about Eddward? You seem a bit more quiet than usual."

Cyan eyes darted upward quickly looking into soft concerned emerald eyes, near identical eyes to the ones that still haunted him.

Swallowing a lump in his throat he pasted on another smile and shook his head warily, "Nothing more than the day before…I'm very sorry to be such a bother..I can only wonder what it's like to suddenly have a stranger thrust upon you and living in your home. Let alone a strange teenage boy with…special needs."

He gripped his pants tightly with white knuckled hands.

Elegantly gentle slightly larger hands covered his own making him look back up confusedly at the sudden act of affection.

Rosemary was now sitting across from him her hands blanketing his smaller set, "I may not know what it's like to be inside of your head Eddward, but I do know from my own experiences what it's like to be alone. What it's like to feel like you will always be alone, and that no one will ever reach out to bother or notice your pain."

She smiled sadly to him her eyes clear and shining with such genuine sincerity that it made his chest feel tight, "I don't know what you've gone through before now, and I can only imagine it's been one hell of a painful experience to get to where you are now. But I'm not going anywhere, I promise you that. We may not know much about one another but I know enough to see you're a good boy. You have a good heart, and are very kind despite what people have done or said to you. That takes courage, and strength not many people have."

Giving his hand another soothing gentle squeeze she pulled them away and giggled some, "You're not a bother either, no one and I mean absolutely no one who can make my tough guy attitude driven son blush brighter than a ripe tomato could ever be a bother to me!"

"Now then let's eat some of this before Kevin comes lumbering down growling like a bear and eats all of it before us."

Still absorbing all of the kind words, compliments, and warmth of their conversation the raven merely nodded with a soft noise of agreement.

Kevin's mother was such a jarring spontaneous reinterpretation of everything he had once thought he had known a parental figure to be.

Nothing she did made sense.

She always put him off guard, making him feel surprisingly warm on the inside.

He wasn't used to affectionate gestures, or soothing touches.

It was all so very new and foreign to him.

Between the day's previous happenings, last night, and now this morning; his brain was nearing a system overload and imminent internal shut down.

He soon busied himself with nibbling on some bacon as he let his thoughts sweep him away.

* * *

Yawning dramatically the red haired jock scratched the back of his neck as he walked into the kitchen fully clothed for school.

Looking around he spotted his mother sipping coffee while she aimlessly stared out the window in thought by the back door.

Frowning he took in the absence of Edd right away a sinking feeling overtaking his gut, "Where's the dork?"

Frowning chastisingly at her son she walked over and leaned up on her tippy toes to smack the back of his head, "Be nice, he had a rough day yesterday, and it looks like he got little to no sleep last night the poor dear.." She sighed, "Barely ate any breakfast too…"

"Where is he though?" Kevin questioned again rubbing his head gingerly as he tried to sound casual while he picked up a few pieces of bacon to snack on on his way to school.

"Oh he left already; I tried to get him to wait so you could both walk together but he got very jittery and rambled on about not wanting to impose his unwanted presence on you." She eyed Kevin her emerald eyes flashing dangerously, "I don't suppose you know what he meant by that do you Kev?"

Nearly choking on a piece of bacon he downed some orange juice quickly and coughed sputtering some, "W-What? Why the fuck would I know what the dweeb's going on about? He's always rambling and nervous, why's that gotta be suddenly my fault?"

Looking away from his mother's accusing glare he picked up his worn red back pack, "Look I'll try to find him later to walk home with him or somethin' I ain't got any practice after school so I'll make sure he gets here unharmed. Alright?"

Frowning deeper she nodded before blinking she then smiled some and pulled out two black and white checkered wrist bands holding them out, "Here, I forgot to give these back to him. I'm sure he'll feel more secure with them on. Make sure he gets them, and also fix whatever you did."

Snatching the bands from her he groaned loudly, "I didn't do anything!"

She glares at him an eyebrow raised, "Maybe that's the problem."

"Eh?" He blinked in return.

"School now Kev, try not to make a mess of the rest of the day hmm?"

Grumbling the jock quickly stuffed the wrist bands into his orange jacket pocket and hurried outside into the biting cold.

This was gonna be a long ass day and he was already dreading it.

Fuck why did he have a really bad feeling?

Shrugging he ran down the side walk and toward Peach Creek High trying to push down the barrage of emotions spiraling in his chest.

If he had really made the right decision.

Why did it have to feel so wrong?


End file.
